Numb
by NovaGirl
Summary: Hi! This is a Meiling songfic to the Pink song of the same name. And has anybody else noticed that Meiling attempts suicide a lot in fanfics? But not in this one. R&R!


Numb  
  
This is a Meiling songfic to the song by Pink. Hey...doesn't Sonomi remind you of Meiling? It's odd. Anywho, I don't own the song, and I don't own CCS. They're owned by Pink and CLAMP, respectively.  
~*~*~*~  
Meiling whittled at the wood. Carving was oddly soothing, watching the steel glint off the rich cherry wood.  
Cherry....Cherry blossom....SAKURA.  
She laughed at herself. As if Sakura mattered now!  
They say that bad news spreads fast-and it was doubly true in Syaoron's case.   
Especially with the clan depending on their relationship for new magic...  
The perfect pair were now at each other's throats.  
Sakura couldn't stand the way Syaoron was too shy to show his true feelings, and Syaoron wasn't going to stand for Sakura's flirty nature. His love for Sakura was to be his ruin.  
Meiling grinned.   
That'd show him.  
~*~*~*~  
No sleep  
No sex  
From your ex-girlfriend  
I was too deep  
Can't let you call me  
Just jump in  
~*~*~*~  
Yes, she had suffered at Syaoron's hands. It was only now, at the age of 17, that Meiling felt truly herself again. Syaoron was not what made Meiling. Not anymore.  
She poured herself into herself again, and it had paid off.  
The greatest fighter in the clan, the wisest of the generation...  
Looking back on all that she was back then, she shook her head with dismay.  
//Syaoron this, Syaoron that....// She cut herself off for HIM. And he numbed her, destroyed her sense of self.  
But that was over now.  
~*~*~*~  
I'm Novocain  
I'm numb and nothing's real  
Like the coldest winter  
I am frozen from you...  
~*~*~*~  
She stood up, putting her blade away, and head up to her room when Li Yelan summoned her.  
"Meiling. Syaoron will be returning soon." Her eyes widened.  
"Excuse me!?!"  
"He will be staying here for the New Year's Celebration. Is that quite alright?"  
"Yes Auntie." Meiling bit her tongue, and made her way back to her room, feeling a fury burn in her. //How could he just.....waltz back here!// She put on her new battle costume-she had outgrown her old one long ago. She had saved it though. Sometimes when she looked at it...she felt again.  
She made a mental note to throw it out later.  
~*~*~*~  
I was weak before now you've made me  
So numb I don't feel much for you anymore  
I gave you all my all, my baby  
I'm numb, numb, numb...  
~*~*~*~  
She attacked the dummy with a vengeance, seeing Syaoron's amber depths reflected in the wood. How she HATED him!  
Yes! She hated him! Hate the one who hurt you Meiling!  
With a thud, the arm of the dummy flew off, clanging against the wall.  
The breaths came slowly, staring at the amputated practice tool.  
The hatred was still there.  
So why'd she feel like crying?  
That stupid Syaoron!  
"I was never good enough, was I...." She mused to herself, wondering if Syaoron could hear the words from the plane.  
"No...I had no magic."  
"And that's all you wanted."  
"Not a fighter, not a crybaby...not a Meiling."  
~*~*~*~  
But the tears were silent inside you see  
I laid there quiet and let you have your way with me  
I might have cried  
But the tears were silent inside you see  
You called me names  
Made me feel like I was dumb  
I didn't feel a thing  
And now I'm gone, gone, gone...  
~*~*~*~  
The hours dashed by, leaving Meiling petrified, happy, furious, and anticipant. Even Li Yelan seemed on her toes as she waited for her only son to return. There was no conversation-what was there to say? He was a disappointment to his mother, having abandoned his duty for an empty love, and he was torment to Meiling.  
But you can get used to torment.  
It's the emptiness that's left over that gets you in the end.  
~*~*~*~  
Like a battered child  
I got used to your pain  
But you know its cause  
~*~*~*~  
And the door opened.   
Syaoron's eyes, once filled with majesty and formality were now pools of pity. His hair had darkened into a near black.   
It wasn't Syaoron anymore.  
Sakura destroyed him.  
But his eyes widened at the girl before him, and then he smiled.  
And do you know what?  
Meiling smiled back.  
The smile was full of malice, spite, and triumph, but it was a smile.  
And it chilled Syaoron to the bone.  
~*~*~*~  
I was weak before now you've made me  
So numb I don't feel much for you anymore  
I gave you all my all, my baby  
I'm numb, numb, numb...  
~*~*~*~  
"Hello and goodbye, Syaoron-kun." She slid into Japanese, not caring about Yelan's ever watchful eye, and walked out the still open door.  
There was a world waiting. 


End file.
